Dead AirĀ 

the only escape from imagination came from the healing of the body during sleep. the wake from lucid dreams of happiness that rendered ignorance for just a minute 

enough for a tsunami of memories to hit harder than the foot running away, slapping pavement 

it’s impossible to run through dead air 

silence takes a slow and sweet stride, molasses that’s hard to swallow 

and choking on realization, the day dresses any thought in sadness and regret 

it’s hard to breathe and the dead air makes ignorance look pretty 

but pretty doesn’t cut it in a mind that wants perfection 

how to heal becomes a quest that is tiring to pursue 

and dead air is always there, waiting to scratch cracks in the half full glass 

every morning the forgetful mind wakes, ready for a new day 

beaten back by truth, the easiest pill to overdose 

and after bruised face lifts, dead air deals the final blow 

Colors

Have you ever really looked into someone’s soul? How can we see someone once so colorful and vibrant become gray with time? I want to spend the rest of my life with someone who will constantly try to find kaleidoscopes in my thoughts. I see such pretty colors and I see the potential for double rainbows in souls that feel broken when I touch them. How do you find a love that lasts a lifetime? Is it truly possible to find the entire universe wrapped up in someone’s smile? Time tells most. Maybe fear and regret turn us gray. But gray paint washed over the walls of your skin can be peeled back, too.

Annalise

There was finality in the goodbye that sailed through the air as Annalise watched her problems rapidly remove themselves from sight. The smaller houses became, the more certain the young girl knew that never again would she return to the chasms enveloping her mind. Not another look, whispered the wit; her fears slowly started to declaw from veins that bound her to ground. No, take flight, dear heart! Wailed the victim, and she could feel at Last the cold shock of freedom. Not daring to take a breath for fear she would wake, Annalise met the sun anyway. A single tear wondered what life would be if she was brave. A knock on the door, and another flightless day began for the clipped soul.

 

I want to reach a point in my life where I dive so deeply into everything that I enjoy doing and the areas that I want to improve in that it becomes impossible for me to ever worry about not being good enough or failing. Really I think a lot of problems are weighted by those fears and we measure ourselves by standards set by others. It really is tragic that so many people are capped by the world and I hope to one day break free from everything and truly blossom on my own without being watered by others’ opinions. I want my own sunshine, and I hope you find yours.

Screw you if you ever decide to purposefully try to add insecurities/anxieties/lack of self worth into someone’s life. You don’t have any right at all to take away something that isn’t yours- someone else’s happiness. If you continually try to make someone sad and try to attack their confidence, you don’t deserve to be around people. You don’t get to give to someone/reinforce their fears and think you can get away with it. Be kind and loving and gentle this year. Try to heal people instead of hurt them. Too often people are hurt and there’s no one who cares enough to help fix them. Strive to positively impact everyone whose life you enter. Be a beacon of love and HOPE because there will be better days and you must remind everyone of that, even yourself…

I’ve been letting myself be consumed by everything around me and it’s not that I need to stop caring, I just need to soldier on. And I think soldiering on can carry a lot of different meanings but I think the most accurate description of soldiering on comes from a sort of calm realization to focus on yourself in healthy and fulfilling ways. And getting up and doing something about those things which you most desire is great and all, but the hardest part is soldiering on when there’s no change or soldiering on when there is a change and you still don’t feel happy. So soldier on and focus on yourself and remember that there’s always a fellow soldier who’s part of your team and who will stick with you till the end.

Healing ultimately comes from within. Any outside help is just giving you the strength to overcome your troubles yourself. That is why you must remember that you have gotten this far and it’s all because of you…maybe a hand held yours or a light guided you but ultimately it has been you all along, you who have had the strength to continue. Love yourself a little more for persevering in a world that doesn’t want you to.